1.   Observe First

Before approaching someone at a UBDSM event, take a moment to observe from a distance. Notice their body language, facial expressions, and interactions with others. Are they engaged in a conversation, watching a demonstration, or enjoying a scene? Observe whether they seem open to interaction or focused on their current activity. This initial observation helps you gauge their receptiveness and avoid interrupting or disrupting their experience.

2.   Approach with Respect

When approaching someone, do so with respect and consideration. Begin with a polite greeting, such as “Hello, may I join you?” or “Hi, is this a good time to chat?” Avoid abrupt or intrusive approaches, which can startle or make someone feel uncomfortable. Show respect for their time and space, acknowledging that they may be engaged or need privacy.

3.   Respect Existing Dynamics

Be mindful of existing dynamics between individuals or groups. Avoid interrupting or inserting yourself into an ongoing conversation, scene, or intimate moment. Recognize power dynamics, relationships, or established connections, and avoid disrupting these. Instead, wait for an invitation or opportunity to engage, ensuring you respect the boundaries and relationships already established.

4.   Introduce Yourself

When engaging with someone, introduce yourself clearly and confidently. Share your name, and perhaps a little about your interests or experience level. Avoid oversharing or dominating the conversation; instead, listen actively and allow the other person to share their thoughts and experiences. A respectful introduction sets the tone for a positive interaction.

5.   Mind the Space

Respect people’s physical and emotional space. Maintain an appropriate distance, avoiding invasion of personal boundaries. Pay attention to nonverbal cues, such as crossing arms or avoiding eye contact, which may indicate discomfort. Be mindful of your own body language, ensuring you appear open and approachable without being intrusive.

6.   Respect Boundaries

Respect individuals’ boundaries, whether communicated verbally or nonverbally. Avoid pushing limits or expecting someone to engage in conversations or activities beyond their comfort zone. If someone indicates discomfort or declines interaction, graciously respect their wishes and withdraw.

7.   Ask Before Touching

Never initiate physical contact without explicit permission. Always ask, “May I hug you?” or “Would you be comfortable with a gentle touch?” This ensures respect for personal space and autonomy. Remember, touch can be triggering or uncomfortable for some; prioritize consent and respect.

8.   Use Appropriate Language

Communicate using respectful, considerate language. Avoid explicit or suggestive comments, especially in initial interactions. Use inclusive language, acknowledging diverse identities, orientations, and experiences. Refrain from making assumptions or using language that might make others uncomfortable.

9.   Stay Open and Friendly

Maintain an open, friendly demeanour when interacting with others. Show genuine interest in getting to know them as individuals. Ask thoughtful questions, listen actively, and share your own experiences. This helps build connections and fosters a welcoming environment.

10.                  Know When to Walk Away

Recognize when it’s time to end an interaction. If someone seems disinterested, uncomfortable, or distracted, graciously thank them for their time and withdraw. Don’t take rejection personally; prioritize respecting their boundaries. Walking away with a smile and a kind word maintains a positive atmosphere and shows respect for the other person’s needs.

By following these guidelines, you’ll create a positive, respectful experience for yourself and others at UBDSM events, fostering connections, community, and inclusivity.